Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
as a side note pls kill me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
