I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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