That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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