Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
