What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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