thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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