Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
