Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
