My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
