I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
