DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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