I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
