I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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