No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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