She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
