If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
