Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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