Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
