At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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