The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
