he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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