ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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