I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
