About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
