I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
