Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
