Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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