I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
