i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
