I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have post one night stand depression
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