can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
