She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
