I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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