he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
