sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
