Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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