trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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