4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
