how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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