Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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