my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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