Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
