I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
