hotel room ftw
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
