dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
