She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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