We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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