I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
