Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
