At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
