PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
