I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
