That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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